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headfullofhope

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(no subject) [Feb. 16th, 2006|04:20 pm]
headfullofhope
[mood |ecstaticecstatic]
[music |JackJohnson-P!@theD-DBC]

WOAH NELLY
what is going on?



Everything happens for a reason. Valentine's Day '06. Good time. Casey and I ... how random. :) It started as us meeting and chilling at Marta's party, and now... !!





AND
I
WON
THE
MEDALLION
SCHOLARSHIP
TO
WMU-
FULL
FUCKIN
RIDE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Didnt go to classes 1-4. Went out to breakfast with mom to celebrate. Took a double. What a fucking good day.




Mid winter break in 1 DAY
HELL YES, AMEN.



I don't know where my life is going or what the hell Im doing but I'm having a HELL of a lot of fun doing it.
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(no subject) [Feb. 9th, 2006|10:31 pm]
headfullofhope
[mood |lonelyJust plain old down.]
[music |DBC]

Ignore these next few lines if they do not apply--

I did not mean to start any fights with you. I wanted to work things out and you stormed off. You dont want to be friends anymore? You're done with me? Well good luck with that. I just want you to understand my motives. I didn't want you involved in that part of my life because as we know it just makes things harder. And why should I subject myself to your groundless ridicule? Its SHALLOW and its PETTY and it's NOT WHO YOU ARE. Im not going to let you judge the people I surround myself with - and note that I have said NOTHING about your significant other. I hate this. I hate fighting everyday. So I'm done too. I'm not going to chase after you or try to get in touch with you - you decided my friendship was now meaningless to you, so you can be the one to revive things. If you so choose.


--and back to reality.


Oooh goodnesss...where to start. Ummm. Oh, Tuesday I went to this group meditation thing with Adam, it was very very relaxing and invigorating at the same time.

I went to Caribou to do homework earlier and found Amy, Jeff, and Casey. Fun people. Then I dropped Theo's going away present off at his house - he leaves tomorrow afternoon. For a long time. To Germany. Oh goodness. :(

I don't want to be down. Im trying not to be, I am.
But everyone's leaving. They're storming out. They're flying off. They're miles away.
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(no subject) [Feb. 3rd, 2006|11:31 pm]
headfullofhope
[mood |disappointedP! @the D]

Dear god kill me now - my Western audition was today and I completely effed it up.
Everything was good until the classical audition and then a whole bunch of factors fucked it up. My accompanist didnt get my tempo right on EITHER song, they were tooooo high and I was sooo nervous. Goddamn. I don't feel good about it at all.
The theory test and ear test and jazz audition were great, I talked to Dr. Zegree a lot and I can tell he really likes me. But out of 150 voice auditions, only 30 make it. 7 altos. Out of 30-40.
Im so fucked.
But if I dont get in this year I'll audition next year for my senior year.
>.<

BUT I got icecream with Matth Shelton afterwards, I heart that kid. He made me feel better.

After crying my eyes out I hung out with Adam and we met up at Lindas and proceeded cruised Gratiot in true gangster fashion with the bitches and hoes. Man I am a gangster. ... . . .

Umm...Solo and Ensemble is tomorrow and I don't give a flying fuck. Honestly.








cant
wait
till
college.







I talked to Tyler last night online. Three words - what the fuck. My instincts tell me to not believe him. But we'll see.




(so testosterone boys and harlequin girls- will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?)
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(no subject) [Jan. 30th, 2006|11:00 pm]
headfullofhope
[mood |aggravatedaggravated to the max.]
[music |P! at the D]

-God forbid
a better kiss
a hotter touch
a better FUCK-


What the
FUCK
is your problem?
I dont play games, I dont deal with petty deception, either you are interested or your not. Don't try to play hard to get - and DONT lead me on.



I don't mind men.
But
I HATE boys.
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(no subject) [Jan. 29th, 2006|05:59 pm]
headfullofhope
[mood |geekygeeky]
[music |Postal Service and Foo Fighters are in the CD player.]

Oh damn.
Western on Friday, met up with Brennan and got some dinner with my mom.
Saturday morning was the Medallion Scholarship competition, which was interesting...12 full rides for 300 kids...not happening for me.
Got home saturday night, went to Amy's for a bit, then out with Theo, and eventually adam met up with us.
Today I was at Caribou most of teh day, chilling with Erica and Sasha and doing homework...
...I talked to a medallion scholarship winner at Western, she was really cool. She assured me that I dont have to do any homework last quarter and I'll still have all my scholarships and such. Im getting such bad fucking senioritis.

I audition for the school of music in 5 days. I think Im scared. Not really sure. The day after that is solo and ensemble, an all day affair, which is going to suck, but after that Im done with a whole bunch of stressful shit.
I should probably be working on my music right now...

I've been so lonely lately. I dont know why. Well, i do know why. But I dont want to be. There are some coming and going possibilities but it doesnt seem like they're going anywhere. I dunno. I dont want to start something else just to subdue my loneliness, and I don't like relying on people to make myself feel better.
This sucks.
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(no subject) [Jan. 26th, 2006|10:49 pm]
headfullofhope
[mood |ditzylittle school girl giddy.]
[music |EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT - MCS]

AAAAH!
I feel like a little schoolgirl again.
^.^


(The little dipper shall forever remind me...)
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(no subject) [Jan. 24th, 2006|03:56 pm]
headfullofhope
[mood |crazycrazy]

Ooh golly. What a good long weekend.

Umm, Friday Court and I met up (on accident) with Kayla and Alaina, so we went to Trixies where I was given my first official male phone number. ^.^ Saturday I did shit, went to work and sliced the shit out of my thumb. I probably should have gotten stitches for it (bitches get stitches) but ya know. I hung out with Tyler (the number dude) on saturday or sunday...I dunno. Way cool guy. Much fun.
Today was the first day of the new semester and it was allllrrriiiiiiiggghhht.....but who am I kidding. School is fucking over. Whats the point of even having a second smellester? Fuck this.

Today was an alright day. I got kinda sad in the afternoon because we watched the dvd of the fall concert in choir...including Terrell's solo. Sigh. We really arent on very good terms since I 'ditched' him a week ago and he probably still thinks that Brian and I are something...yeah...Brian and I got coffee a little while ago and talked about it and things just kinda fell apart. We definitely had different visions of what we were. We just never clarified it from the beginning. So when I told him that i got some guys number and that we were going to hang out, he kinda freaked out and THEN realized that we never really drew any lines...so it was a mutual lets be friends.

Terrell....I miss that kid. I wish none of that shit never happened (not the dating, the drama) so we could go back to being tight again.
WAIT he just called me. Hah.

Funny.


Oh! I got a haircut too. I gave Betsy 'artistic liscense' with my hair and it turned out pretty cool. I'll see if I can post a pic.



Courtney, the love of my late adolescent and early adult life, is leaving me tomorrow night. I dont know what I'll do with myself when she's back in
NEW JERSEY.
But, ya know
NEW JERSEY
doesnt seem that far away, does it?

FUCKING NEW JERSEY
FUCK out of state schools
FUCK
NEW
JERSEY.

Just shoot me.
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(no subject) [Jan. 16th, 2006|02:28 pm]
headfullofhope
[mood |weirdweird]

Shaaaady business.

Saturday night...me, Court and Adam broke into Adam's "friend's" house in Shadyville and broke out the steamroller. O_o heh. Shaaaaaady. I broke it down to some classic rap music though, it was mind-clearing. 15$ worth of McDonalds later, we spent the night and had a good time.

Sunday...yesterday...what did I do...I don't remember. Oh. My dad was pissed, so he made us absolve our sins by cleaning all day. What a nun. Then I went to Brians after some Travis and played some g-tar.

I wish I could post pics from my phone, I've got some classic ones.





Other than that, life is __________.
I dunno.





If I had the time I would go talk to someone about my onandoff depression. It's probably not a good thing.



Midterms tomorrow. Have I started studying? No.
Do I care? Less than I should.



* * * * *
"I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive.
Now I waste it dreaming of you."

And worrying. *
And dwelling.
And throwing off excess weight.
Cuz it's slowing me down.
* * * * *
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(no subject) [Jan. 14th, 2006|07:43 pm]
headfullofhope
[mood |bouncybouncy]
[music |CSNY - Woodstock]

Yeah 3 day weekend.
Yeah Martin Luther King, jr.
Yeah food.


Dear Jehova I have eaten so much food in the past 2 days. Probably equaling the mass of a small child.
Mongolian Grill last night with Terrell, which of course included what has become our daily tiff. Jesus we are wierd. Best friend though...what can ya do?
Today, Royal Oak with Court. Noodles and Co. Coldstone. I am one fat motherf*cker. Sheeeeit. ^.^

I picked up a book in Royal Oak by some German philosopher named Arthur Schoepenhauer called "The Wisdom of Life AND Counsels and Maxims." Woot.

Worked, got of early, making plans for Saturday night, life is good.

I got a camera phone...well, my dad got it for me not knowing it had a camera. Such a guilty pleasure. Who needs a camera on their phone besides Courtney? No one. But is it awesome? Yes, yes it is.



Friday Brian picked me up from my jazz lesson and we went back to his house and had an adventure. Good times were had by all.

Ok. It is time to go make history this fine Saturday evening.
Peace.
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(no subject) [Jan. 11th, 2006|08:21 pm]
headfullofhope
[mood |numbnumb]
[music |The fighters of foo - MIA]

Dude -


I dunno.

Today was shitty. Just a bad mood all around. Reality can be a drag. Terrell and I fought and fought and cried and fought somemore. Its so rough on the self-image. Havent seen my Courtney Anne in something like 2 days. I dunno what I'll do when she goes back to school in ... less than two weeks.

Ahh...good old Foo Fighters. Found one of Ross' old FF cds. Good stuff.

I picked up my dad from work around 5:30 and we ended up going out to dinner at some brand new tiny Mexican restaraunt on Mack. It was really cool...we don't really talk alot. But tonight was good.

Im trying to think of anything to say to put off homework a little longer.
I should just go to it.






I heart you Michelle, and Im sorry.
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